decisions decisions

So the final cost for the MDS 2009 was revealed today - a convenient 9.25% increase on last year which means if we go ahead, no refunds on the initial 500 quid deposit should we decide to withdraw.

This has lead to some serious reconsidering amongst the competitors and I for one am really questioning the true value of doing this race. Not only is entry fee now 3000 grand, but I've already spent thousands on kit and traveling to races etc... with airfare back to the UK that's another 1500 quid. The race really does not present good value for money at all, in fcat its a f'ing joke when there's other races out there for half the price and are probably a much better experience overall.

So I really need to weigh up the pros and cons. Well the cons are listed above, however the one thing that is tearing me apart at the moment is that I've wanted to do this race for nearly 3 years now and a lot of sacrifices have been made in order to get to where I am now. Not only financially but personally too I've given up a lot to get where I am - would I feel like a failure if I didnt go ahead with it all? However if I did go ahead, would I come to resent the whole thing if I went and did it? I might get there and resent the cost and not enjoy the experience of it all. Does that mean that mentally I'm not ready for this? That because of my resentment I wont accomplish what I wanted to achieve? I really need to sit down and work out what it is I want from the MDS. However the goalposts have moved. The more you get inot this running lark, the more you realise you cna achieve and you discover.

My initial goal was complete the MDS, now I'd be lying if I said I didnt want a top 200 place. But what the fuck does that mean? I finished in the top 200 of the MDS? Big deal, against what criteria and level of competition?

What I want from a multi-stage event is to run/walk as hard as I can and do as well as I can, and learn things along the way about myself. Can I do that in the Gobi, which is another race I'd do instead of the MDS? More than likely I can, yes. Do I want the glitz and glam of the MDS? Not really... I dont like big races, the City to Surf atmosphere over in Sydney was wank to be honest. Standing at the start line of the Wagga Wagga and Mudgee marathons was brilliant - genuine people. The city 2 surf was full of pretentious pricks. That's not what I'm about.

So after all this I still haven't made up my mind. I guess one option is to pay the grand and then make a call on it. At least I have the option of getting it back and a place still secured, so that if I chose to sack it off I can. Hmmmmmm....